October 4, 2006

12 lessons I learned by responding to spam

Like most people, I always assume people are telling the truth and have my best interests at heart. So naturally, I have been delighted at the large number of highly enticing offers that appear in my inbox every day. People sometimes call these spam, which must mean they enjoy them as much as that delicious, all-purpose meat product from Hormel. Sometimes, though, when I respond to these messages, I get a different result from the one I was expecting. As a public service, I offer these surprising facts I’ve discovered:

  1. I have not won a European lottery.
  2. I can get a lousy logo designed for only $600.
  3. My friend did not send me a postcard.
  4. eBay, PayPal, Amazon.com, and my bank did not need me to update my account information.
  5. The stock price that was guaranteed to skyrocket, tanked.
  6. No check is waiting for me.
  7. I have not been hired.
  8. Rolex replicas don’t make me look rich or famous.
  9. The U.S. government takes a dim view of people who import prescription drugs without a prescription.
  10. Adobe and Microsoft take a dim view of people who import OEM CDs of Photoshop, Windows, and Office.
  11. It’s awfully expensive to help that poor man/woman extract those millions of dollars from Nigeria.
  12. That eBay Member didn’t really have a question regarding Item #190013300106.

6 Responses to “12 lessons I learned by responding to spam”

  1. milander said:

    If you really needed to “learn” those lessons it must be your mate/father/brother/sister who developed this website for you as you’re obviously not intelligent enough to have done so for yourself….

  2. Moose said:

    Wow, Milander.

    You’re an idiot.

    The author is attempting to be humorous.

    I suggest you not spend any time viewing, or listening to comedy of any kind, because you will absolutely not get it.


    An idiot. As in the old’ 60’s medical terminology. You should consider getting yourself checked out by professionals. Then you can hear real laughter when an entire medical industry laughs at you.

  3. evilnotwin said:

    Yeah, you know, it’s really irritating when someone says or writes something that is obviously meant to be funny or satirical / sarcastic and some know-it-all either wants to put his half-cents worth in or actually dosen’t get that the piece was meant to be humourous and then proceeds to insult and/or correct the author.

    Jeez, if don’t have a sense of humour or you just don’t think it’s funny, then move on to something more suited to your superior intellect. Nobody likes a fun spoiler.

  4. Mystery Faulkner said:

    Just moving along the internet due to insomnia, found your blog and this is hilarious. Thanks for the late night/early morning laugh.

    Mystery (Yes, my real name)

  5. J said:

    December 5, 2007…still funny. Thanks for the grin.

  6. download free dvd movies said:

    How come those spammers never stop? They occupy like 60% of my Inbox everyday and I didn’t even know how they got my private email address. Anyway, good job on this blog 🙂